Often the impetus to divorce, for at least one of the couple, is coming from a healthy place and that is not celebrated or validated in mainstream culture. On the site, people can form networks with others going through a relationship breakdown and post in the forum, and it is proving popular with the party that wants a divorce, seeking advice and support.
In Los Angeles, Christine Gallagher, a psychotherapist, runs a couple of divorce parties a month. She saw how throwing a party to mark the end of a divorce was helpful to a friend, and started planning parties for others she has also written a few books on the subject. Some are themed — one of the favourites is based on the Survivor reality TV show, where the venue is decorated like a desert island and lobster is served. I think it can be very healthy. In , Jim Halfens, an entrepreneur from the Netherlands, set up Divorce Hotel , a kind of breakup minibreak. The soon-to-be-former couple go to a hotel, away from partisan in-laws or friends, and on Saturday morning sit down with a lawyer who is specially trained in mediation.
Talks continue all weekend — sometimes involving accountants, estate agents and counsellors — before papers are signed on Sunday evening. The process is not for everyone, says Halfens, and nearly a third of couples who approach him are turned away. For a start, a couple need to be able to talk to each respectfully, in person, over a whole weekend. Custody of children is not discussed, so a parenting plan has to already be in place.
We have had situations where the couples were not honest with each other, for example the mediator finds out there is a house in Switzerland or a bank account. Then it all stops, because divorce hotel principles are fundamentally based on mediation. The idea is that the children get continuity during a time of disruption — their own bedroom, toys, school stuff in the same place — and it can work out better, financially, for the family because only one property needs to be big enough for the children, and costs can be shared.
It would be up to the family to decide if this was right for them, not a judge. It may come with challenges in future, such as what happens if both or either parents meet a new partner.
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Divorced at Christmas
Loading comments… Trouble loading? I adore the women in my life I am in awe by fact that I have consciously created a life I love! Someday I know I will meet a man that I choose to marry. I am 54 years old and feel younger, healthier and more excited about life than I had a decade ago!
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How did this happen when back in I was so lost, lonely, sad and broken? How is it possible that I emerged from an abusive marriage with two young children to care for, an ex who referred to child support as my monthly extortion check and a commission-based job that offered the barest financial security for paying my monthly bills?
On a recent talk show I was asked how those navigating death and divorce can move past the helplessness and hopelessness they experience.
The Joy of Divorce and the 3 Gifts of Breaking Up
In my years of coaching and my own personal growth I have found the answer to be quite simple and equally as difficult. Keep the focus on yourself. We have been raised with social conditioning that our happiness is based on yummy cereal, the newest toy, the prettiest dress, the coolest bike, the hottest car, the biggest house and the most attractive partner. It is no wonder that when life throws us a monkey wrench, our first thought is to blame and change our outer world; our job, relationship, living arrangement, etc.
We usually feel better once we do Then that same old discomfort tugs at our happiness and we are back where we began. If we rely on the circumstances and people in our lives to be pleasing to us in order for us to be happy, we have built our house on a bed of sand. There will always be difficult personalities to navigate. We will all face trials and tribulations. If our focus is external, we will feel helpless and hopeless when life does not go 'our way'.
Each time your are triggered, look inward. The person or situation triggering you is outside of your control. The triggering event is the gift. Acknowledge and feel your feelings. Then be curious, mindful and accepting of what is:. Example: Your parenting ability or financial responsibility is challenged. When you get triggered, something in what was said is poking a YOUR issue - a fear, an insecurity, an unforgiveness.
How am I interpreting them? Have I been triggered by similar comments before?
The Divorced Parent's Guide to a Drama-Free Christmas - The Good Men Project
What is it that is so tender for me in this area? Trigger by a situation:. Do you respond or react? What is the story you have around the event? Are you problem focused or solution oriented? How is your perspective assisting in creating a win win solution? I joined Alanon during the early stages of my divorce and quickly became aware of my part in my dissolving marriage.
Related Joy Comes in the Morning: A Gift for Those Going Through Divorce
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